Saturday, February 28, 2009

Mr. Blackwell Knows Best


Let me set the scene for you…

INT. OFFICE – DAY

An endless labyrinth of cubicles each decked out in various levels of retro pop-culture knick-knacks. This is what happens when Corporate America collides with nerdom.

O’NEILL and HICCUPS casually toss a nerf football back and forth in full blown procrastination mode.

O’NEILL

I seriously just passed the hell out. Totally dead to the world.


HICCUPS

No way.


O’NEILL

I know. Kinda pathetic.


HICCUPS

Not at all, man. Sometimes we all need—


THE FUNK (O.S.)

What’s you guys up to?


INNER O’NEILL

Just solving world peace.


THE FUNK bounces her way towards Hiccup and O’Neill trade mark stench trailing behind her.


Hiccups immediately perks up. He stops throwing the football and focuses all of his attention on The Funk.


HICCUPS

Just shooting the shit. You?


THE FUNK

Absolutely nothing. It’s way too boring over there. Aaron’s sick and Max has been in a meeting for like forever.

(pause)

Oh! Did you see the Golden Globes?


HICCUPS

Yeah. My girlfriend lives for those shows.


THE FUNK

(To O’Neill)

Did you?


O’NEILL
No, I—


THE FUNK

(interrupting)

Why am I even asking? You so don’t watch those things.


INNER O’NEILL

Of course not. I’ve got the womens sports only cable package.


THE FUNK

So Eva was wearing like the most amazing dress ever. Floor length. Sheer black. Swooping neckline.


HICCUPS

Sounds nice.


THE FUNK

Beyond nice. I think it was Vera Wong.


O’Neill does a quick double take.


INNER O’NEILL

Wong? Survey says… Wrong.


THE FUNK

I’d kill for a Vera Wong. She’s like an absolute genius.


HICCUPS

Uh-huh.


INNER O’NEILL

C’mon O’Neill. Fight the urge.


THE FUNK

And I totally have the shoulders to pull off a Wong too.


INNER O’NEILL

There’s no need to correct her…


THE FUNK

Wong loves to do a-lines and everyone knows you totally have to have narrow shoulders to make an a-line work.

(To O’Neill)

Like you’d never be able to wear a Wong. Your shoulders are way too huge. You’ve got like man shoulders.


INNER O’NEILL

Oh hell’s no.


O’NEILL

It’s Wang.


THE FUNK

What?


O’NEILL

Wang. It’s Vera Wang.


THE FUNK

It’s Wong. I think I would know. I actually wear dresses.


The Funk shoots a look at Hiccups for validation.


HICCUPS

Um… She’s actually right, dude. It’s Wang.


THE FUNK

(annoyed)

Whatever.

(pause)

I’ve got work to do.


The Funk storms off in a huff and a small triumphant smirk crosses O’Neill’s face.


INNER O’NEILL

Score one for the dyke in hoodies with the broad shoulders.

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