One Ticket to Hell with a Side of Fries...

Let me set the scene for you…

INT. BURGER KING – MORNING

O’Neill waits in line in a “slightly hung over, wishing it was Friday but it’s really a Wednesday” morning stupor. She’s only one person away from greasy goodness.

CASHIER

Next.

SHRUNK MASS OF WRINKLES shuffles her way towards the counter. Floral printed house coat, stocking bunched up by her ankles, and over-sized glasses, she’s Mr. Magoo’s long lost wife.

CASHIER

Can I take your order?

SHRUNK MASS OF WRINKLES

(confused)

What?

CASHIER

What do you want?

O’Neill pops out her headphones in slight disbelief.

INNER O’NEILL

Oh no….

SHRUNK MASS OF WRINKLES

What?

CASHIER

Food?

INNER O’NEILL

No, no, no…

CASHIER

Ma’am if you don’t know what--

SHRUNK MASS OF WRINKLES

(Interrupting)

Do you sell coffee?

CASHIER

Decaf or regular?

SHRUNK MASS OF WRINKLES

What?

INNER O’NEILL

Sweet Jesus! It’s “Who’s on first” Burger King edition.

SHRUNKEN MASS OF WRINKLES

Yes. Coffee.

The Cashier lets out a frustrated sigh.

CASHIER.

Right. But you’ve gotta pick one or the other.

SHRUNKEN MASS OF WRINKLES

Pick what?

INNER O’NEILL

Just order the freaking coffee lady. Decaf or regular. Doesn’t really make a difference. It’s just coffee.

CASHIER
Listen Ma’am. You’re holding up the line.

INNER O’NEILL

Yes! Thank you!

SHRUNKEN MASS OF WRINKLES

I don’t like your tone young man.

CASHIER

I’m just doing my job.

SHRUNKEN MASS OF WRINKLES

Then let me order a coffee.

CASHIER

Decaf or regular?

SHRUNKEN MASS OR WRINKLES

What?

INNER O’NEILL

God damnit! I’ll fly to Columbia, rent a burro, and pick the damn beans myself if you would just order already!

Without another word, the Cashier pours a coffee and plops it down on the counter.

CASHIER

Here. Take it.

SHRUNKEN MASS OF WRINKLES

But this isn’t—

CASHIER

(interrupting)

Next.

INNER O’NEILL

Finally!

Shrunken Mass of Wrinkles scoops up the coffee, whips around, and bumps indirectly into O’Neill. She drops her purse.

SHRUNKEN MASS OF WRINKLES

Sorry dear.

Instinctively, O’Neill reaches down and hands the purse back to the Shrunk Mass of Wrinkles.

O’NEILL

That’s ok.

SHRUNKEN MASS OF WRINKLES

(smiling)

Patience and thoughtfulness. Two rare virtues now of days.

O’NEILL

Thanks.

INNER O’NEILL

Oh I’m so going to hell…