Let Me Set the Scene For You…
INT. THE CLUBHOUSE – NIGHT
A hole in the wall corner bar where the clientele is just as eclectic as the decor.
O’NEILL hangs out in the corner perfecting the art of people watching while BK and HOT POTATO get up close and personal with each other. They maneuver like drunken twister players completely oblivious of everything go on around them.
A beat.
BANG! O’Neill’ is knocked off balance by BK’s elbow.
INNER O’NEILL
And the part of the third wheel tonight will be played by…
O’NEILL
You two need another drink?
BK and Hot Potato simultaneously thrust their empty beer bottles in O’Neill’s direction without coming up for air.
O’NEILL
I’ll take that as a yes.
O’Neill parts her way through the crowd and squeezes into an open spot at the bar.
A beat.
NORTH DAKOTA (V.O.)
It is normally this packed?
O’Neill tilts her head to the side and notices—
NORTH DAKOTA. Part Annie Wilkes, part feline patterned sweater lover, she’s clearly a fish out of water.
INNER O’NEILL
Of all the girls in this place…
O’Neill tries to produce a friendly smile.
O’NEILL
This isn’t too bad. You should see it on a Friday night.
NORTH DAKOTA
So Friday’s popular here?
O’NEILL
Friday’s popular everywhere. But yeah. It’s a cluster fuck after 11.
NORTH DAKOTA
Good to know.
(Pause)
Those your friends?
O’Neill glances back at BK and Hot Potato. They’re still in the throws of tonsil hockey over-time.
O’NEILL
(Laughing)
Afraid so.
NORTH DAKOTA
They’re cute.
O’NEILL
Yeah. They do kinda make a cute—
NORTH DAKOTA
(interrupting)
No. I said you’re cute.
O’Neill’s eyes instantly widen.
INNER O’NEILL
Danger Will Lesbian, Danger!
O’NEILL
Excuse me?
NORTH DAKOTA
You’re adorable.
O’NEILL
(panicking)
I’ve got a girlfriend.
NORTH DAKOTA
Girlfriend?
INNER O’NEILL
Girlfriend?! That’s news to me.
O’NEILL
Yup. Girlfriend.
NORTH DAKOTA
Oh really? Where is she?
INNER O’NEILL
Abort! Abort!
O’Neill’s desperately scans the bar grasping at straws.
O’NEILL
Out of town?
North Dakota inches closer to O’Neill like a predator stalking her prey.
NORTH DAKOTA
Guess it’s my lucky night.
INNER O’NEILL
*#(%! For the love of god… Think O’Neill, think!
O’NEILL
(quickly)
I’m flattered. Really, I am. But my girlfriend. The one’s that’s out of town. She’s the super jealous type. Like back her SUV over anyone who even looks at me for too long type of jealous. And you seem like a person that really values the use of her lower limbs. So thanks again for the compliment. Really. But I’m off the market.
Before North Dakota can utter a single word, O’Neill snatches up the beers and books it back to the comforting confines of the corner.
O’NEILL
Jesus.
Noticing O’Neill’s shaken state, BK surfaces.
BK
What's Wrong?
INNER O'NEILL
Oh just re-evaluating life long celibacy.
O'NEILL
Don't ask.
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