Softer Side of Sears

Let me set the scene for you…

INT. LIVING ROOM – MORNING

O’NEILL sprawls out on the couch, semi-buried under a mound of covers. She mindlessly clicks through the channels trying to find something to watch.

A beat.

YELLOW TAIL (O.S.)

I need an opinion.

O’Neill pries herself off of the cushions and puts down the clicker.

O’NEILL

Sure.

Enter YELLOW TAIL. Part Jolly Green Giant. Part mid-western housewife in training. She's not only familiar with but has fully embraced the softer side of Sears.

Yellow Tail whips out a hideous green knitted concoction that vaguely resembles a shirt.

YELLOW TAIL

Just got it today. Thoughts?

INNER O’NEILL

I didn’t know Stevie Wonder designed clothes.

O’NEILL

It’s nice.

YELLOW TAIL

Not too dressy?

INNER O’NEILL

Dressy’s not the adjective I would use.

O’NEILL

For what?

YELLOW TAIL

Just dinner and drinks.

O’Neill shrugs her shoulders.

INNER O’NEILL

Very, very dimly lit bar?

YELLOW TAIL

I’m meeting up with this guy from accounting. Too soon to get all worked up but I’d like to at least wow him a bit.

INNER O’NEILL

Well you’ll definitely wow him. That’s for sure

(Pause)

Maybe the rest of the outfit will offset the puke green hue?

O’NEILL

What else are you wearing?

YELLOW TAIL

Actually, I just got these jeans. Hang on –

Yellow Tail retreats back into her bedroom.

O’Neill stares at the green shirt for a moment or two, analyzing its seizure-inducing doily pattern.

INNER O’NEILL

That has to be the fugliest piece of clothing ever—

Yellow Tail emerges from her bedroom and holds up a pair of tapered, flowered appliquéd mom jeans.

YELLOW TAIL

Wow worthy, right?

INNER O’NEILL

I stand corrected.