Four Letter Word

Let me set the scene for you…

INT. BUS – MORNING

Wall to wall commuters. Some standing. Some sitting. All fighting for every inch of personal space available.

O’NEILL has carved out a small nook for herself against the bus window. She’s lost within the pages of her crossword book.

INNER ONEILL

Nine letter word for flu-like illness… Pneumonia.

O’Neill starts to fill in the boxes but stops.

INNER O’NEILL

P-N-U… No there’s an E in there… Damnit.

O’Neill flips to the back of her book and searches for the key.

A beat.

NOSEY (O.S.)

Ah-hem.

Sensing that someone is looking over her shoulder, O’Neill glances up from the confines of her crossword book and comes face to face with…

NOSEY. Pinch cheeks. Hair pulled back so tight that she has a constant surprised look plastered on her face. Not a wrinkle to be found on her suit. It’s clear that warm and friendly aren’t two words in her vocabulary.

NOSEY

Sorry to bother you, but I had to ask… Why choose to do a crossword if all you’re going to do is cheat?

A quizzical look sweeps across O’Neill’s face.

INNER O’NEILL

Hold the phone… Did she really just say what I think she did?

O’NEILL

Excuse me?

NOSEY

You were looking up the answers, weren’t you?

O’NEILL

Yeah but—

NOSEY

(interrupting)

Then that’s cheating.

INNER O’NEILL

No that’s called being a bad speller.

O’NEILL

Ma’am, I’m sorry, but I don’t see—

NOSEY

Don’t call me Ma’am. Do I look like a Ma’am to you?

INNER O’NEILL

You look like a five letter word that rhymes with hitch.

O’NEILL

All I was doing was looking up how to spell pneumonia. Honestly, I don’t see how—

NOSEY

How do you not know how to spell pneumonia?

INNER O’NEILL

How do you not know how to spell Mind Your Own Business?

O’NEILL

I don’t ok?

O’Neill reaches for her earbuds, jams them in her ears, and flashes Nosey a “don’t push my buttons” smile.

NOSEY

(to herself)

Some people…

INNER O’NEILL

Four letter word for the lady sitting next to me with a popsicle stick up her ass… C-U-N…