Blue Eyes

Let me set the scene for you…

INT. AMERICAN EAGLE – DAY

Vintage cut polos. Frayed jeans. Cargo shorts. Simply an endless array of lesbian wardrobe staples.

O’Neill ogles the rainbow of polos before her.

INNER O’NEILL

I don’t need another polo. Yes, I want one... I want more than one. But I don’t NEED one.

O’Neill starts to walk away, stops, and then doubles back.

INNER O’NEILL

Who am I kidding? I gonna get the polo.

KEGGERS spots O’Neill looking at the polos and sidles up next to her. Dressed head to toe in American Eagle, he appears as if he’s just stepped out of an storefront ad.

KEGGER

Can I help you with something?

O’NEILL

Actually, yeah. Can you get me that polo?

KEGGER

The navy one?

O’NEILL

Yeah. Thanks.

KEGGER

What size does he wear?

INNER O’NEILL

Wait a minute…

O’NEILL

He?

KEGGER.

Your boyfriend.

O’Neill fights the urge to burst out laughing.

KEGGER

(confused)

Everything ok?

INNER O’NEILL

Oh this is gonna be fun.

O’NEILL

Sorry.

(pause)

Yeah. My boyfriend. Um… I think he’s a small.

KEGGER

You sure about that? That’s pretty tiny for a guy.

INNER O’NEILL

That’s cause it’s not for a guy.

KEGGER

What’s he look like?

O’NEILL

6’1. Kinda lengthy. Broad shoulders. Bright blue eyes—

INNER O’NEILL

…Is completely imaginary.

KEGGER

Blue eyes? You definitely shouldn’t go with navy. Try yellow.

INNER O’NEILL

Um… translucently pale here. Yellows are avoided at all cost.

O’NEILL

Actually—

Kegger grabs a yellow polo off of the shelf and hands it to O’Neill.

KEGGER

Trust me. Yellow brings out blue eyes. Like yours.

(pause)

Anyone ever tell you you’ve got killer blue eyes?

INNER O’NEILL

Really? Hitting on me? Buddy, we’re wearing the same exact jeans! Need a bigger hint?

A beat.

Kegger reaches into his pocket and pulls out a scrap of paper and a pen. He scribbles down a number.

KEGGER

Listen, I don’t normally do this but if things ever go south with your boy give me a call.

O’Neill looks at the digits as a devilish smile crawls across her face.

INNER O’NEILL

Time to go in for the kill…

O’NEILL

Thanks. You’re adorable. Really. But you’re not my type. My boyfriend, though, absolutely loves frat boys.

(pause)

Quick question. You a top or a bottom?