On Next Week's Episode...

Let me set the scene for you…

INT. WAITING ROOM, DOCTOR’S OFFICE – DAY

Desolately sterile, over-powering fluorescent lighting, and jammed packed with back spasm inducing furniture.

O’Neill is camped out in the corner fully immersed in her iPod and crossword.

GABBER (O.S.)

(into phone)

Frankie, are you even listening?

Enter GABBER. Gum-smacking, Louie Vinton-toting, Staten Islander who glued to her cell phone. She doesn’t know the meaning of personal space or TMI.

Gabber parks herself directly next to O’Neill.

INNER O’NEILL

Really? Fifty free seats and you feel the need to sit directly next to me?

GABBER

Angela did it! That skanky, whale-tail sportin’, herpes spreadin’, bitch.

O’Neill can’t help but do a slight double take at that sentence.

INNER O’NEILL

And the inappropriate award goes to…

GABBER

And then get this. She’s tryin’ to deny the whole fuckin’ thing. Says she’s never even heard of Crazy Eights. But both Vinny and Chucky told me they saw her there on Sat night. With Tony. My Tony!

(pause)

I told ya she was gonna do it! I told ya. But did ya listen?

INNER O’NEILL

Apparently not…. But now I am.

O’Neill casually slips her earphones off.

GABBER

(mockingly)

Angela’s sweet, Vicky. Let’s hang with her, Vicky. She’s an angel, Vicky! I don’t know any freaking angels who goes down on other people’s boyfriends!

(pause)

I’m gonna call my uncle.

INNER O’NEILL

Uncle? Cheating’s a family affair?

GABBER

No. I’m gonna call him, Frankie… I don’t care what think…. He took care of everything last time… Even got rid of that hoebag’s car. Cops never found nuthin’.

O’Neill’s eyes widen a bit. She carefully shifts towards Gabber.

GABBER

He’s already met her too. At that BBQ at my cousin Jimmy’s place. So she won’t be suspecting nuthin’.

(pause)

I was thinkin’ off the Hudson maybe? My uncle is always sayin’ that that river’s like a big black hole. Nuthin’ can be found that goes in there.

INNER O’NEILL

Sweet Jesus. Angela’s gonna sleep with the fishes!

GABBER

I dunno. Not like anyone’s gonna miss that skank anyways… No one missed Cindy, remember?

INNER O’NEILL
This is way better than the Sopranos.

A beat.

A clipboard wielding NURSE enters and survey’s the waiting room.

NURSE

O’Neill?

INNER O’NEILL

Shit! No. This is just getting good!

NURSE

O’Neill?

O’Neill looks up at the Nurse and flashes a “please let me at least get to the commercial break” smile.

O’NEILL

Can you come back in five?