Gather Two of Every Animal!

Let me set the scene for you…

INT. SWANKY BAR – NIGHT

A dimly lit upscale bat cave of a bar semi-populated with ex Wall St causalities.

O’Neill hangs out at the bar, building a mini fort out of cocktail napkins, olives, cherries, and toothpicks. Boredom is an understatement.

WATERWORKS (O.S.)

My boyfriend used to do that.

O’Neill snaps out of her olive and cherries veranda daydream and notices…

WATERWORKS. Tiny, bird-like waif of a girl. Undoubtedly, her purse weighs ten pounds more than she does.

O’NEILL

Well, olives and toothpicks do make a great impromptu Lego set.

WATERWORKS

Huh?

INNER O’NEILL

Oh. This is going to be painful.

O’NEILL

Nevermind.

WATERWORKS

You waiting for your boyfriend?

INNER O’NEILL
Nice try but wrong gender.

O’NEILL

Friend.

WATERWORKS

Ah. I hate having to wait. Trevor. That’s my boyfriend—or was my boyfriend—used to make me wait all of the time.

INNER O’NEILL
Not taking the bait.

WATERWORKS

Trevor. My ex … or semi-ex… or whatever… just couldn’t be on time to save his life. Five. Ten. Twenty minutes late.

INNER O’NEILL

Nope. Not going to ask. Nope… Nope… Nope…

WATERWORKS

…And it was never his fault either. Oh no. It was always “Sorry baby. Traffic sucked”.

INNER O’NEILL

I just want to build my fortress of “Olivetude” in peace and quiet. Is that too much to ask?

O’Neill starts to say something but suddenly stops. She catches sight of the glimmer of tears in Waterworks eyes.

INNER O’NEILL
@#@#^&^$#@$!!!

WATERWORKS

(on the verge of tears)

He was even late for our anniversary. Two hours. Two freaking hours I sat alone at Nobu. Like a total loser.

(pause)

The waiter even asked me if I had been stood up. Do you believe that??

Waterworks chokes up. She can’t fight the oncoming flood of tears.

INNNER O’NEILL

Mayday! Mayday!

Waterworks snatches the cocktail napkin roof from O’Neill’s fort and blots her eyes.

The fort crumples into a mess of olives and cherries.

INNER O’NEILL
No!!!!

WATERWORKS

Sorry. I don’t normally get like this.

O’Neill lets out a sigh and offers Waterworks another napkin.

O’NEILL

That’s ok. Break ups are never easy.

WATERWORKS

(sobbing into napkin)

Uh-huh… I… just… miss… him…

Waterworks dives straight into O’Neill’s shoulder, forcing O’Neill to comfort her. Awkward doesn’t even begin to describe it.

INNER O’NEILL
Awkward. Party of one.

A beat.

O’NEILL

When did he leave?

Waterworks immediately pulls back in shock.

WATERWORKS

He? Leave me? Ha!

O’Neill stares at Waterworks in utter confusion as she quickly puts herself back together. Not a single sign of a tear anywhere.

WATERWORKS

I break up with men. Men do not break up with me. Period.

With that Waterworks disappears back into the bar crowd.

INNER O’NEILL
Check please!